Thesis

A thesis is a 40-150 page document produced by a masochistic member of the senior class. In most departments, a thesis is required to graduate "with Honors" or possibly "with Highest Honors" (as distinct from the Latin honors).

Slacking on a thesis

Down in spirits before page 85? Here are some tips.

• Draw a pretty picture. In fact, draw two pretty pictures. Present them to your advisor and call it a week's worth of work.
• Write your thesis abstract as a Shakespearian sonnet in iambic pentameter.
• Encode secret messages as acrostic poems in your introductory chapter.
• Read a novel about secret messages encoded as acrostic poems. pwned.
• Edit this wiki. And submit your wiki edits as an appendix chapter.
• Remember the BS proposal you wrote back in August/September (...October...)? Use that as your introduction.
• Make a table. Copy and paste. Call it 'Table 2'.
• Need data? Email other researchers in the community and ask them to send you theirs. Now you have data and extra points for collaboration.

Presenting your thesis

Each department requires that students completing a thesis make a presentation on their subject in some form. The requirements of the presentation and the audience present vary depending on the department, but you can take the matter of the mode of presentation into your own hands by employing some of the following suggestions.

• Open your presentation by running into the room, jump on the front desk, rip a textbook in half and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED?"
• Announce an "Intermission" at some point in your presentation. At your intermission:
  • Have dancing girls.
  • Show a "relevant" clip from The Simpsons.
  • Psychology majors, play a Bruce Springstein song. Trust me on this one.
• Psychology majors, repeatedly refer to your work as "an ongoing study." Pause after this phrase each time and slowly pan the room with your eyes before resuming.
• Physics majors, pack the front row with friends, except for one professor. At an agreed upon point in your presentation, have one on the end start "the wave." If the prof doesn't participate, boo him.
• English majors, begin your talk by invoking the muses.